It’s my birthday!! I am not usually someone who makes a huge deal of my birthday (that’s supposed to be my family’s job – hint, hint.) But in honour of my 43 wise and wonderful years, I am giving you a gift. Yes I know, I am very generous like that. I am sharing some life lessons, and not just for those in yours 40s.
General Life lessons
- Life is short. Just eat the cake.
- Life is long. Eat some veggies too. It’s called balance.
- 43 is not old. But you can come and tell me I’m old at 83. I may still give you the middle finger then, but you may be closer to being right and I may actually know some real life lessons by then.
- You know how they say, oh your 40s are amazing. Well guess what? Old people are right. I’m old people. (but only I’m allowed to call myself that). This decade has been pretty darn amazing – yes even though 1/3 of it has been spent in a pandemic.
- Your 40’s are also – difficult. It’s not some magical switch that goes off that is so empowering and amazing. There is a slow and steady growth that happens but also many challenges.
- Something inside you starts to ….mature and calm the F down. If you know me, you know that I am, how shall I say this kindly (to myself?) – passionate. Yes, that’s the word. I am passionate. I am sometimes a hot head and vocal and just get fired up about, well everything. But there’s some thing happening in me. I am calming down. Don’t get me wrong, I am still passionate about things (a lot of things). But I’m starting to realize that there are some things that I don’t need to respond or react to anymore. That is a pretty amazing feeling.
- It is never too late. I’m being cryptic, I know. But this can apply to anything. It’s never too late to change career paths or to start something new. It’s not too late to say I’m sorry or I love you. Here’s the most important one: it’s never too late to eat the cake at night.
- You have much to learn, and not always from who you think. Read everything – the right and left viewpoints. Use those critical thinking skills you were taught (please tell me you were taught them). But also, listen to those who are younger. They have fresh views on things that will challenge you but also help you to grow.
Health lessons
9. Your body is amazing. It can run!(ok, maybe just walk). It can sit without a lot of assistance. It functions (mostly), and it is incredible.
10. I’m not going to lie and say oh I love my cellulite and my wrinkles. I mean they are there, I can see them. I’m not in denial (anymore). It’s also why I’m spending less time looking in the mirror. I don’t really want to see it happening, even though I am going to embrace the aging. It’s just…can that part happen closer to say…60?
11. Book the appointments. You know what I mean. Book that physical and the mammogram and whatever. It’s not meant to be pleasant. This is the age when being proactive about our health care is mandatory. We have to take care of this body more than ever.
12. Lift weights. But seriously, if there’s one life lesson you take from me, it’s this.(ok well, no, there will be more). But ok, let’s start with this. Lifting weights will be make you bulky. Lifting weights will make you strong. I am not a health and fitness specialist ( I know, had you fooled). But I can tell you that the focus the number on my weights and not my scale has been liberating.
Fashion lessons (the real life lessons you want):
13. Buy the damn shoes: If you see the shoes, and want the shoes and can afford the shoes without selling an organ or giving up on feeding your family for a month – then buy the shoes. Why are you buying your kid yet another pair of shoes that they will lose at school and/or grow out of in 3 months? Mama deserves the nice things too.
14. But the damn purse: see above
15 . Wear the damn shoes : So you bought the shoes, but you can’t wear them because they’ll get dirty or ruined. Just wanted to you remind you that the floor is filthy and shoes are meant for the floor. they get dirty. So what? Honestly, who even cares? Isn’t that what they are for?
16. Use the damn purse: See above.
17. Wear what you want to wear. Do skinny jeans make you happy? Then wear them. Does you hair look most flattering in a soft side part? Then do the side part. Fashion rules aren’t for us anymore. We aren’t going to be told by anyone who has less spending power than us what we should and shouldn’t be wearing.
18. I don’t know who needs to hear this (me, I need to), but here goes: stop saving your clothes. Seriously. Oh wait, I already said this about the shoes and purse. So basically, we need to wear the clothes, and use the good china and slather on the expensive face mask.
Motherhood Lessons
19. If you are like me and have big kids in this stage of life, then this is for you. Parenting teens and big kids means that we don’t have the support the way we may have once had. Their stories are not ours to share. That is hard. We have to respect the privacy of these young adults, but also need to find a place where we feel supported as we do this tough job.
20. Being a mom to teens isn’t that bad. I know I scare people about what parenting teens looks like. It’s not all easy, in fact nothing in this stage is. But those moments when everything is ok, and the kids are happy. Those moments mean so much more now than they ever did.
21. I wish I was the mom I am now when my kids were younger. Is this what they call personal growth or just wishful thinking? But I am finally at a place where I forgive my mistakes as a mother and look at my kids and think “damn, you kids are lucky I’m your mom!” Just joking (not really). I am finally confident in my parenting, and part of that is because I can admit to myself that I don’t actually know anything and that I am allowed to make mistakes.
Other Lessons
22. Wear sunscreen. Yes, even if you have beautiful brown pigment or have already started with the fine lines. Just go and put it on. Yes, now (ok, maybe after you finish reading this).
23. Get in the photo. I think we’ve heard this before, but seriously. Use the self timer and the selfie mode on your phone and take the photo of you as you are now. You will look back on this in a year, or two or five and say “dang, what the heck was wrong with me? I looked good!”
This list is every changing and growing because I will be the first to admit it: I don’t really know anything. I am still learning and growing and making mistakes. I change my mind and my feelings on the daily (fine, the hourly). So check back often to see my personal growth and what life lessons my 40s are actually teaching me. But also, tell me: what is the biggest life lesson you have learned so far?
